W.H. Auden in “The Age of Anxiety,” on that terrible thing:
“We would rather die in dread/Than climb the cross of the moment/And let our illusions die.”
There’s a lot there. But I want to focus on dread. And maybe the rest for another post.
Dread is something nearly every Christian experiences, and if one doesn’t, I applaud them because even Jesus experienced dread.
So if folks use dread as a measure of spiritual maturity, well, they’ve got one-up on Christ.
If Jesus dreaded something, it’s quite ok for us, too.
Except the church doesn’t like to admit it, because we’ve fashioned an American Christianity that looks so unlike the life of our Lord’s.
But he was God and human, and we are human.
And dread is a normal emotion – divorced from spirituality. If you want to distend dread from the Christian’s experience, you’ll have to get rid of joy, happiness, all that other stuff too.
Even if Christians don’t call it dread, listen, every single Christian experiences dread.
And dread is nearly a daily symptom of Generalized Anxiety Disorder, and I know it too well.
It’s the sense that something is wrong, even if we can’t find something immediately wrong. It’s the sense that tomorrow the sun doesn’t rise, but instead death does from a grave.
It’s impossible to explain to others, because it’s almost impossible to explain to ourselves.
I’ll end with this quote by the great 19th century Baptist preacher, C.H. Spurgeon, who even the most old-school Christian wouldn’t accuse of watering down Christianity.
““There is a kind of mental darkness, in which you are disturbed, perplexed, worried, troubled – not, perhaps, about anything tangible.”
Spurgeon, famously, suffered with overwhelming dread, as well. And he was quite open about it.
And then, as I mentioned, there’s Jesus, as well. He sweated drops of blood. That’s dread.
So if you dread, remember. You are human. That’s part of the human experience. It’s nothing to be ashamed of, even though they will make you ashamed of it at church, in Bible study group, wherever you meet.
But I promise you — every single Christian has experienced dread, and for the nearly 20% who have an anxiety disorder, it’s a part of our daily life.
Now, I know this is a dark post. But I’m not going to offer a bunch of tips on dread right now.
Instead, I’m going to point you in the direction of help.
So if you struggle with dread, as I do… (I actually dread, dread).
As always…
Find a psychiatrist here.
Find a therapist here.
