Hi all, I’m sorry it’s been more than awhile since I last posted. My health has worsened to the point that I’ve been unable to sit in a chair for more than 30 minutes due to back issues/degeneration and my ongoing GI stuff.
Thankfully, I just bought a chair that finally feels sort of okay. So I can sit again! For the first time in about 7 months.
Up until now, I’d been going to our car to sit and get outdoor and sitting time that way, because captain chairs in minivans are pretty great.
Right now, my condition is very day-to-day with a lot of doctor visits and hospital trips, and we’ll see what progresses. As I’ve written before, surrender is all I can do, at this point. The doctors are out of ideas, as there’s a convergence of health issues, and how to manage each without affecting the other is tricky. Obviously, it’s been a pretty tough journey for my family. I’ve had to rely on my wife far more than I wish and there’s been a lot of tough stuff to process, missing out on the kids’ important moments, and I’ve had to do a lot of praying and I need God’s grace to figure out how to be the dad he’s called me to be. This has all been so unexpected and there’s no resolution in sight and it’s something I’d never had on my bingo card.
Most of the difficulty has been seeing my kids’ disappointed or worried faces. I don’t want to write long about that, because I’m still processing it, but I have to have faith that somehow the Lord will use this all for their good and his glory and my good, as well.
Many of you have written and offered your prayers and I believe all the prayers from so many have sustained me and my family in ways that I can’t even know this side of the other side.
The good news (and again, I’m being very careful about saying this this because of my uncertain health and a young family that takes precedence) is that, with this chair (hooray!), I’m hoping to start video interviews soon w/folks who know a lot about mental health, as well as the Christian walk. That will be short-term easier on me than my goal of daily posting blog entries, which obviously hasn’t been happening.
I hope the possible interviews will be meaningful to people, and that I can get started soon, but I need to continue tending to my health, and then second, to my family. And I’ve learned that, no matter how hard you try, yes, the spirit is indeed willing but our flesh is very weak.
You and I stand daily with the God who has our lives in his hands, and that can be a terrifying thought at first, but if you linger long enough with it, what better hands to be in? Do I believe that? Do you believe that? Do we really? Those are questions that I wish I could give the “good Christian answer” to and I can, intellectually, but I think it’s much more difficult for Christians (well, at least me) to honestly confront than we realize.
But the Lord has shown up in so many bleak moments, but also felt absent in them (have to be honest about that), but I do know that in all moments, he’s been there. And I will never stop thanking him for that, and there is no greater beauty than Christ. He is the sum of all good, he is love, and he is with you and me – whether we feel it or not.
Thanks so much for your care and for your prayers (and patience!).
