If you have depression, everything Parmita Uniyal writes about in this piece will ring true.
It’s about how well we hide our depression, and actually live, even though we just want to sleep.
And also, about how we make plans and cancel them at the last minute 🙁
I’m glad she included that one, because we usually don’t read about that symptom and throughout my life, it’s been a source of deep frustration and shame.
Frustration, because at one point, you really, really wanted to do that thing, and shame because canceling at the last minute lets other people down.
But we DO have to cancel to protect ourselves, because better to cancel the event than cancel ourselves, and that’s what severely depressed people are at risk of.
Over time, I’ve learned to be much more careful about committing to things, and have also learned to give myself more grace for canceling on the things I’ve committed to.
“Well, aren’t you selfish,” we can hear Alpha Optimist Do-Everything say.
And we wonder: are we?
No, the best thing we can do for everyone around us is be mentally healthy. Not set up chairs at that event.
Cancelling isn’t selfish, even though others might shame you.
It protects you, and in doing so, loves your loved ones, because they want to live with a healthier you.
They might not understand how it’s impossible for you to make it tonight their way, but you have to make it tonight your way.
You’re the one with major depressive disorder.
Of course, this isn’t an invitation to isolate.
It’s a reminder to protect, and talking with our therapists is an excellent way for us to discern which is which.
And that’s absolutely crucial, because isolation can be either damaging or protective and we need professional help with figuring that out.
But anyway, give Uniyal’s piece a read.
Oh, and of course, here’s my pitch.
Here’s a psychiatrist near you.
And a therapist.
[Sculpture: Yannoulis Chalepas, Sleeping Female Figure.
Chalepas struggled with mental health, tried committing suicide, destroyed some of his own work, and was eventually committed to a sanitorium. His mother believed sculpting made it worse, and after being released from the mental hospital, he stopped sculpting until her death. After which, he resumed. And thank God for that, because he was a master. You can read more about his life here].
