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Daily Blog

This song will probably cheer you up for 3 minutes

written by Christian Heinze

And if you play it twice, 6 minutes.

And if you play it three times, 9 minutes.

And so on.

Point is…

Sometimes, when I’m depressed, I need the prelude to Wagner’s Parsifal.

Sometimes, I need “In Christ Alone.”

Sometimes, I need Elliot Smith (actually, not anymore — his stuff was borderline too depressing, and then he committed suicide, which made it even harder to hear).

Sometimes, I need Neil Hannon.

Sometimes, I need “Lonesome Town.”

Nearly always, I need a nap — if only anxiety and our two kids would permit it.

But sometimes I need a song exactly like this. Hope it gives you a moment of cheer, too.

Like everything else, it sounds better with earphones and a brisk walk.

August 25, 2021

STUDY: PTSD can double your risk for lupus

written by Christian Heinze

I kind of hate posting studies like this, because if you’re reading this site, you might have PTSD, and I don’t want to raise your stress level.

But…. so many try to treat PTSD themselves, and usually, they do it either denying they have it, or by insisting on a go-it-alone approach, which doesn’t make anything better.

So if there’s any way to coax someone into looking for help at dealing with PTSD, then I’ll probably post it.

A new study suggests that PTSD doubles your risk for developing the autoimmune disorder, systemic lupus erythematosus — in other words, lupus.

The researchers controlled for every factor they could think of.

For example, smoking can provoke various autoimmune conditions, including lupus.

So the researchers used their statistical models and found that, even taking smoking and other covariates like obesity into account, PTSD victims were still twice as likely to develop lupus.

In other words, if you have PTSD, you’re at higher risk for lupus, and I’ve known people with lupus, and while every patient’s experience is different, you’d rather not have lupus.

Researchers haven’t definitively established a reason for the link, but they think it might have something to do with the extreme stress that PTSD can provoke and its effect on our immune system.

Sounds about right, right?

Stress doesn’t just weaken your immune system, it can make it go haywire, so it either under or overreacts to things.

Healthline has a tremendous read on the effect of stress on the immune system, and its link to many other autoimmune diseases.

So there are two reasons to post the study.

1) If not for your mind, then for your body, please seek help for your PTSD.

2) Practically, every week, researchers find some new mental basis for our physical health, and physical basis for our mental health, and Christians need to acknowledge that.

It might have felt very religious, spiritual, and pious to slam the door on Galileo, but in the end, Galileo won because God won, because Galileo figured out how God set things up.

That’s what our scientists are doing, and denying the science of mental health in the name of God might sound pious, but my hunch is that it’s what Paul warned Timothy about in 2 Timothy 3 — a form of godliness that denies its power.

In other words, it looks and sounds spiritual, but has nothing to do with what it claims to do — which is following the gospel.

And here’s my biweekly reminder you’ve probably become sick of on pharmaceuticals and the companies that make them.

There are Christians, all over the United States, selling “natural alternatives” to what the pharma companies produce.

I’m not necessarily opposed to natural alternatives, because I think there are some great ones.

But this is the line the “natural-only” camp (pervasive in the American evangelical church) often uses:

Seller: Big pharma wants to make money off you, so please buy this natural alternative. It’s from the first plant/tree/seed/bark that God ever created. And guess what — you can’t go wrong with any medicine from the first plant/tree/seed/bark God ever created.

Me: Great! How much?

Seller: Only…………………..$129/month.

The profit margin on these natural alternatives, I would guess, is astronomical!

The “problem” of big pharma making profit off health is being solved by the problem. If profiting off medicine is the issue, the culprit lies just as much in the alternative natural market as it does big pharma.

Further, there is very little regulation, very little testing on natural alternatives.

You often have no idea where these pills come from, how potent they are, and whether they do what they’re supposed to.

That’s not to say they’re all bad, but it is to say that they’re not all good, and government protocols on pharmaceutical companies are far stricter than supplements.

Now I do take quite a few supplements because there are some great ones!

And big pharma has done some shady things, along with a lot of wonderful things — kind of like every human institution, and you and me.

But before going the all-natural alternative route, at least check out a couple sites and everyone should talk to their doctor, because supplements can cause liver damage, they can interact with other things. Just because it’s bark doesn’t mean it’s right.

Labdoor is particularly good at running tests on supplements to determine their potency, safety etc.,

ConsumerLab is my favorite, and they’re quite good, as well.

I don’t do the affiliate thing, or make money off anything. Those are just two great sites.

So there’s my biweekly pitch, which you can take or leave, because really, we’re all just fumbling about and being wrong and right about things over the course of our lives.

But to close — yes, PTSD is real, and it can have really tough physical consequences, so please get help as soon as possible.

I particularly hope that men sit up and notice, because we often have trouble talking about PTSD because it doesn’t feel manly.

I’ve written about that, and again, the strongest thing anyone can do is acknowledge pain.

And post-Covid (if we ever get there), PTSD is going to be more prevalent than ever.

WebMD has a nice quick look at treatments for PTSD, which include a variety of therapies and possibly medication.

Whatever your doctor and you think is the best fit.

And, as always, here’s a psychiatrist and therapist near you.

[Photo: American Sniper, a great look at PTSD]

August 25, 2021

J.C. Ryle on assurance

written by Christian Heinze

In his book, Encounters with Jesus, Tim Keller flags this sermon from J.C. Ryle, and here’s a $$ quote from the Anglican bishop.

Ryle’s whole sermon here, and a choice bit below. (but after you do, please read my disclaimer below it).

“Now assurance goes far to set a child of God free from this painful kind of bondage, and thus ministers mightily to his comfort.

It enables him to feel that the great business of life is a settled business, the great debt a paid debt, the great disease a healed disease, and the great work a finished work; and all other business, diseases, debts, and works, are then by comparison small.

…..Assurance will help a man to bear poverty and loss. It will teach him to say, “I know that I have in heaven a better and more enduring substance. Silver and gold have I none, but grace and glory are mine, and these can never make themselves wings and flee away. Though the fig tree shall not blossom, yet I will rejoice in the Lord.” (Habak. iii. 17, 18.)

Assurance will support a child of God under the heaviest bereavements, and assist him to feel “It is well.” An assured soul will say, “Though beloved ones are taken from me, yet Jesus is the same, and is alive for evermore. Though my house be not as flesh and blood could wish, yet I have an everlasting covenant, ordered in all things and sure.” (2 Kings iv. 26; Heb. xiii. 8; 2 Sam. xxiii. 5.)

Assurance will enable a man to praise God, and be thankful, even in a prison, like Paul and Silas at Philippi. It can give a believer songs even in the darkest night, and joy when all things seem going against him. (Job ii. 10; Psalm xlii. 8.)

Assurance will enable a man to sleep with the full prospect of death on the morrow, like Peter in Herod’s dungeon. It will teach him to say, “I will both lay me down in peace and sleep, for thou, Lord, only makest me to dwell in safety.” (Psalm iv. 8.)

Assurance can make a man rejoice to suffer shame for Christ’s sake, as the Apostles did. It will remind him that he may “rejoice and be exceeding glad “ (Matt. v. 12), and that there is in heaven an exceeding weight of glory that shall make amends for all. (2 Cor. iv. 17.)

Assurance will enable a believer to meet a violent and painful death without fear, as Stephen did in the beginning of Christ’s Church, and as Cranmer, Ridley, Latimer, and Taylor did in our own land. It will bring to his heart the texts, “Be not afraid of them which kill the body, and after that have no more that they can do.” (Luke xii. 4.) “Lord Jesus receive my spirit.” (Acts vii. 59.)10

Assurance will support a man in pain and sickness, make all his bed, smooth down his dying pillow. It will enable him to say, “If my earthly house fail, I have a building of God.” (2 Cor. v. 1.) “I desire to depart and be with Christ.” (Phil. i. 23.) “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever.”11 (Psalm lxxiii. 26.)

Reader, the comfort assurance can give in the hour of death is a point of great importance. Believe me, you will never think assurance so precious as when your turn comes to die.

In that awful hour, there are few believers who do not find out the value and privilege of an “assured hope,” whatever they may have thought about it during their lives. General “hopes” and “trusts” are all very well to live upon, while the sun shines, and the body is strong: but when you come to die, you will want to be able to say, “I know” and “I feel.”

Believe me, Jordan is a cold stream, and we have to cross it alone. No earthly friend can help us. The last enemy, even death, is a strong foe. When our souls are departing there is no cordial like the strong wine of assurance.

Amen.

And I’d be remiss if I didn’t add this. Medication also helps.

I like that bit by on assurance by Ryle, and perhaps you did, as well.

But I also want to remind you that if reading that passage does nothing for your depression or anxiety, for your spirituality, then it is not that assurance does nothing for you — it is that your depression and anxiety work against your assurance.

Of course, you’re still God’s child, but if you have a mental health disorder, it’s far harder to feel assured of anything.

Which is why I always urge people to take care of their mental health for their spiritual health.

When your mind is working as intended, then it’s much easier to really believe that God’s promise is for YOU, and not just someone else.

I recently spoke with Diana Gruver who’s written about famous Christians with depression, and one such was the poet and hymn-writer William Cowper, who believed Christ’s redemption applied to everyone but him.

And when you’re depressed, that’s the kind of self-loathing that can make it impossible for us to feel anyone could love us — much less the perfect, sinless Christ.

Once you manage your depression, assurance becomes a much more beautiful thing because it doesn’t feel foreign. When you feel, “Ah, this actually is for me, too,” then well, everything gets better.

August 17, 2021

Animals get PTSD, too

written by Christian Heinze

Smithsonian has a fascinating article explaining that, yes, animals appear to get PTSD, and it has chronic effects on animals and their offspring’s health.

Inside the article is a really good, simple explanation of PTSD in humans:

Sharon Levy, Smithsonian:

“Intrusive memories of trauma, the constant state of alarm that can wear down the body’s defenses and lead to physical illness — these arise from the same ancient brain circuits that keep the snowshoe hare on the lookout for hungry lynx, or the giraffe alert for lions.

The amygdala creates emotional memories, and has an important connection to the hippocampus, which forms conscious memories of everyday events and stores them in different areas of the brain. People or other animals with damaged amygdalae can’t remember the feeling of fear, and so fail to avoid danger.

Brain imaging studies have shown that people with PTSD have less volume in their hippocampus, a sign that neurogenesis — the growth of new neurons — is impaired. Neurogenesis is essential to the process of forgetting, or putting memories into perspective. When this process is inhibited, the memory of trauma becomes engraved in the mind. This is why people with PTSD are haunted by vivid memories of an ordeal long after they’ve reached safety.”

This isn’t a “snowflake” thing. This is a brain thing. It’s real.

If you struggle with PTSD, here’s a psychiatrist and therapist near you. Talk about whether meds are right for you.

Also, Reddit has a good discussion board. I recommend discussion boards, big-time. You’d be surprised at how much you can learn and how helpful it can be, to see you’re not alone.

Finally, here’s a good site for helping someone with PTSD.

August 17, 2021

Camus: The Dark Wind

written by Christian Heinze

Albert Camus, writing in The Stranger, of that monster called dread:

“Throughout the whole absurd life I’d lived, a dark wind had been rising toward me from somewhere deep in my future, across years that were still to come.”

Of course, as Christians with depression and anxiety disorders, we know exactly what he’s talking about.

In fact, you can’t escape those feelings if you have a mental health disorder. They’re part of it, just like high blood sugar is part of diabetes.

The great preacher, Charles Spurgeon, famously said:

“There is a kind of mental darkness, in which you are disturbed, perplexed, worried, troubled – not, perhaps, about anything tangible.”

So this isn’t just the despair of Camus. It’s the despair of a disease that Charles Spurgeon, that you and I, as Christians, also experience.

And I think a lot of us find great comfort in knowing we’re not alone.

But as Christians, we also know that those feelings tell us nothing about the fact — the amazing fact — that we are beloved children of God.

And that, while Jesus promises a life of tribulation, he also promises the former things that are so present, and that we fear are so future as dread takes over — these will all just be “former” one day.

As Neil Tennant sings of that moment, “These former things are passed away. Another life begins today.”

Our “another life” will begin one day.

Until then, we keep going, no matter the dark wind you dread from the future.

And you know what — that’s not your future, that’s not mine.

Depression wants us to tell us it is, but who are you going to believe — The Lord who died for you, or depression which kind of wants to ruin us?

We stand with the Lord, because he stood for us. By God’s grace, we stand with him. As Brennan Manning wrote, “All is mercy.” All is mercy.

If you’re struggling, find a psychiatrist here, a therapist here. Keep going, faithful one! And the faithful one will not abandon you.

And he promises, he will not leave you as an orphan.

August 16, 2021

STUDY: Some babies show trait anxiety at 4 weeks old

written by Christian Heinze

And…. it appears to correlate with their mother’s.

In Psychology Today, Dr. Eugene Rubin writes of a fascinating new study in the American Journal of Psychiatry:

Upshot: Researchers got together 45 infants whose average age was four weeks.

They then had their moms fill out a State-Trait Anxiety Inventory, and found that about 10% of the moms had scores, suggesting clinically significant anxiety.

The researchers then did a functional MRI of the babies (totally safe, don’t worry), and inserted white noise bursts at random intervals to see how their brain flow reacted.

Here’s the fascinating finding, via Dr. Rubin: “Brain regions that showed increased responsivity to white noise bursts were similar to brain regions that are hyper-responsive in adults with anxiety disorders. In addition, brain areas that are involved in functional networks that are hyper-responsive in adults with anxiety disorders were also hyper-responsive in infants of mothers with higher trait anxiety.”

In other words, babies at four weeks old were already showing signs of predisposition to anxiety disorders!

That exclamation point isn’t “Let’s party!” exclamation. It’s shock. But really, it’s not terribly shocking because pretty much every anxious person you talk with says, “So…I had a mom or dad that was really…”

The researchers conclude that it’s possible that “functional networks are already developing by four weeks of age.”

Of course, this will be fodder for the whole nature vs. nurture thing, and while it’s possible that four week old babies are already triggered, environmentally, it sure seems more likely that they were born with this thing, doesn’t it?

So here’s a practical take-away: if you’re really anxious, don’t blame yourself or anyone else. Your functional networks, predisposing you to this, were probably already developing before you knew anything except milk, and probably, in utero, as well.

And please don’t blame your mom, either. Her functional networks were probably developing at that age, as well.

Christians should just plain old remove ourselves from the blame game. It’s everywhere these days, it’s destructive, and it’s sinful. (I’m aware I’m blaming the act of blaming 🙂

[Painting: Gabrielle and Jean by Renoir. Note: Gabrielle was technically not Jean’s mom, and yes, from this painting, neither seems as though they’d score high on trait anxiety, and yes, little Jean is not having an MRI. But… it’s in the public domain, and shows what could be a mom and her baby, and so the shoe kind of fits].

August 12, 2021

“Bind this darkness with your peace”

written by Christian Heinze

One of my favorite songs, “By the waters,” David Meece, circa 2002.

Close my eyes
And lead me by the waters
That flow beneath the Savior’s feet
And bathe my restless soul in silence
And bind this darkness with Your peace
And bind this darkness with Your peace

For I’m tired
And weakened from the battles
That scar the deepest part of me
And my heart is overwhelmed in sorrows
That none but You could ever see
That none but You could ever see

Close my eyes and let my spirit wander
Through the vastness of your mystery
Let me feel the fullness of Your glory
Rising from the heart of me

‘Till the day
I pass across the waters
And soothe my brow beneath Your hand
May I find in You my strength and comfort
For by Your grace alone I stand
For by Your grace alone I stand

August 12, 2021

“Prepare me for every part of my pilgrimage”

written by Christian Heinze

A beautiful passage from The Valley of Vision.

I pass through a vale of tears

but bless thee for the opening gate of glory at its end.

Enable me to realize as mine the better,

heavenly country.

Prepare me for every part of my pilgrimage.

Uphold my steps by thy Word.

Let no iniquity dominate me.

Teach me that Christ cannot be the way

if I am the end,

that he cannot be Redeemer

if I am my own savior,

that there can be no true union with him

while the creature has my heart,

that faith accepts him as Redeemer and Lord

or not at all.

By the way, I hate that there are parts of my pilgrimage that I hate. And that’s okay that I hate it. Jesus begged for his cup of suffering to pass, too.

You don’t need to love suffering — the way that some in the church have turned it into video game power-up, as if one needs to explain and even glamorize the thing that caused Jesus to weep.

But our pilgrimage does include suffering, and yet thank God that, as the passage notes, there’s a gate of glory at its end.

For the depressed, that sounds like rest.

(I’ve always liked the conceptualization of “eternal rest” better than “eternal joy” or “bliss” etc, because if you’re depressed, anxious, OCD, PTSD, or any number of things — rest is something we often can’t even do even when we rest, right? So it sounds really nice).

August 10, 2021

Salon has some tips for back-to-school anxiety

written by Christian Heinze

Our son is starting kindergarten this morning. He’s never been to school in his life.

He’s also prone to my anxiety, which makes me feel sad and guilty, but at least assures me he’s not the mailman’s baby.

Yesterday, we went to a kindergarten open house, and as he held onto my arm as if it was the only thing holding up his soul, my heart broke for his anxiety but it also stirred in me the kind of strength I rarely feel when I’m alone (for example, writing a post, or writing anything, or really anything-anything).

Right now, back-to-school might mean back-to-insane-levels-of-anxiety for you because it does for me.

Especially if you live in a pandemic hot spot, like we do.

Elizabeth Englander at Salon has some handy tips on how you can help your kids during this time. And I want to mention three, because I think these are the most important.

First on her list, “Encourage activities that reduce anxiety.”

I think the answer here is much the same for adults. Play at something you love. It will distract you, it will release endorphins, it will remind you that there is more to life than anxiety, because often anxiety becomes our life and you know what they say — the biggest threat to you becomes you.

And just because our kids are kids doesn’t mean they’re immune. In fact, as we mature we just replace one monster under the bed for another, and just because grown-up monsters are more rational (usually) doesn’t mean they’re less terrifying.

Second on her list, “Help your kids understand the pandemic.”

Now, I don’t think this means you tell them that ICU beds are dwindling at an astonishing and tragic rate (please get vaxxed!). It means you talk about vaccines and that throughout history, there’ve been global sicknesses, and vaccines often come in to save the day (as God’s gift of course, and please, if you haven’t been vaxxed, I know you won’t take my word for it, but I’m still going to say it. We live in South Florida, and this is real. This is a tragedy. I was at an ER last week for an unrelated condition, and it is, indeed, like a war zone — or at least ones you see on movies, because I’ve never been to an actual war zone. It was tragic, it is tragic, it is needless heartbreak and loss of life).

My son and I have talked about all the diseases that vanished once people agreed to take vaccines, and how soon enough, this one will, as well. Of course it’s a discussion of human sadness, but also of God’s gifts and how people work hard to help bring healing to others.

It’s the kind of story you’ll be talking about a lot with them as they grow up.

Third on her list, “Focus on family activities.” This is something we’ve done throughout the pandemic. My family used to go out a lot, and the kids were crushed when we stopped going to toy stores, but we replaced that with totally new, totally fun activities at home and within a week (literally), they stopped talking about the toy section at Target. Our new routines were more active, they were more involved, and most importantly, they were relational.

I want to stress that “focus on family activities” is, I think, the most important of her tips, because if you do that, invariably you will also do all the rest.

You can’t help but talk about things like the pandemic, you can’t help but find fun ways to reduce anxiety, you can’t help but have great moments of connection, because God made us for relationship (As much as an introvert like myself often hates that phrase, and as unhelpfully as extroverts beat us over the head with it. It’s true).

So if you’re struggling to cope as a family, try to do everything else as a family, and that will help the struggle.

But oh boy, these are scary times, and may God’s mercy be with us all, across the globe.

Oh, and if you’re struggling with anxiety (like I do), that’s going to rub off on your kid.

So you might want to find a psychiatrist and therapist who can help.

Of course, I still struggle (and sometimes, mightily, oh so mightily), but we’d do anything for our kids, right? So why not get help for your anxiety that will vicariously help their anxiety?

When they see a confident, happy dad or mom, it gives them strength too.

P.S. During the pandemic, this song has sort of become our family motto (or songo, or whatever it would be called). Kids really respond to stuff like this. Family mottos (songos, or whatever).

August 10, 2021

Weary one, when this is all over, you won’t be disappointed

written by Christian Heinze

Romans 5:4, New Living Translation:

“Endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment.

For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.”

The longer you’re a Christian, the older you get, the closer you come to understanding that living this life is about endurance.

And Romans promises it won’t lead to disappointment, “for we know how dearly God loves us.”

Sometimes, people overpromise and we’re disappointed.

I have an idea that if I were airlifted and dropped next to Yellow Stone’s Old Faithful, the trusty geyser would disappoint. Despite all the promises of the coffee table books.

“Nice fountain. Now can I see some bison? Oh, the bison aren’t here today. Ah, it’s next month that they come out.”

But God never overpromises because he can’t lie. And if he says we won’t be disappointed, I can barely imagine what he’s imagined up for us.

You and I will not be disappointed when our race is over.

Isn’t that when the glory, the happiness always begins? Isn’t that when you can rest, when you can relax and smile again? When the race is done?

Just keep going tonight.

The night is already much later than you think*. For Christians, that’s a reason to get up another day and endure.

[Photo: “Lawrence of Arabia”]

*There’s a beautiful poem of despair by the late Robert Service which ends:

Ah! the clock is always slow;
It is later than you think;
Sadly later than you think;
Far, far later than you think.

But we have Christ, the resurrection, we might have the same clock, but midnight means something different.

August 8, 2021

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