The Weary Christian - Page 15 of 41 -

Daily Blog

Page: Two church leaders on the midlife crisis

Nick Page, in his book on midlife crises, Dark Night of The Shed, interviews two unnamed church leaders who explain how difficult church can be during this time of life.

The first:

“It feels horrible, as a church leader. It feels horrible that you can’t be honest. Because this is a stage when you’re feeling very vulnerable and very tender and you can’t.”

The second:

“My experience is that church becomes a worse and worse place. At first you just love it. You like worship, you like small groups, you like sermons, you like everything.

But after a while, you realize that stuff doesn’t really transform your character. You’re receiving a lot of information, but not transformation.

At it is the lack of transformation that becomes so dissatisfying at this stage of life.”

*****************************************************************

End quotes.

Of course, those experiences aren’t universal, but the reason I post that excerpt from Page’s book is that those experiences are almost universally hidden.

So you’re not alone if you’re finding yourself struggling with church — at midlife, or any part of life.

I’ve found there’s so much clutter to the expression of American Christianity, and in that clutter, we can lose Christ.

Not our salvation, but our experience of it.

And that tends to be worse at mid-life, when everything seems to get more cluttered.

Suddenly, the limitless possibilities of youth are stopped cold by the limited certainties of age.

As Page writes, the German term for “mid-life crisis” is Torschlusspanik, which is “door-shut-panic.”

You used to have all the time in the world to do all the things in the world.

Now you just have an afternoon, and you can only really do a few things, and the double-gut punch is that they’re not the things you really want to do.

Everyone eventually feels this. Christian or not.

And we feel guilty because Christians are never supposed to be in crisis. We’re supposed to be the ones who help those in crisis.

And we do help those in crisis. But we have crises of our own, because we’re as human as anyone else.

And the sad thing is that acknowledging, “I’m having a mid-life crisis” implies that you marriage is on the rocks, your spirituality is faltering, and you’d like to have an affair.

So we shut up about it, and too often then, shut down on life.

Page writes: “Many middle-aged men feel split in two: there is a vast difference between the person we present to the world and the one who lies awake at night.”

I write this on Sunday morning, and you probably went to church today, but last night, you were maybe wondering why in the world you were going to go to church again tomorrow morning, and you couldn’t let anyone know you were wondering why.

You didn’t even tell God you were wondering why, even though he knew it.

And I’m convinced the reason you wonder why is because the clutter of middle age can barely handle the clutter of church.

The melancholy nostalgia of middle-age can barely handle a church that seems fundamentally opposed to any expression of melancholy or nostalgia.

So what do we do?

A few quick ideas.

Remind ourselves that Christ is the opposite of clutter. And you can find him, like the thief, by just looking towards him on the cross you share, forgetting everything around you. The madness of the crowds, the noise, all that life that suffocates life.

And you focus on the simplicity of the Gospel.

And then what about that melancholy nostalgia?

Well, that’s still something I’m working on.

It’s just always going to be there, because that’s how I’m wired. Some aren’t. They just press forward without any instinct or desire to look back.

I envy them.

But for me, there’s one thing I’ve started doing to deal with that nostalgia.

As I see something I want to do, something that youth would allow and maybe once did, — I tell God, “In the kingdom, I’d like to do that, go there, be that.”

To be trite, my BUCKET list isn’t for this life. It’s for paradise.

It’s a way of truthfully telling God about our unfulfilled longings in life, while looking forward to the next one.

Some might think that selfish — to long for a paradise where we’ll finally find the life we wanted. But Jesus seemed to think we’d be pretty pleased.

And the God who died so you could experience that paradise — well, that’s got to be something else, doesn’t it.

But in the meantime, a therapist or psychiatrist can help you grapple with some of these things.

So as always, I’ll end with:

Find a psychiatrist here.

Find a therapist here.

March 13, 2022

The WHO: Covid-19’s global effect on anxiety, depression

written by Christian Heinze

The World Health Organization, this week, published a scientific brief, detailing the scale of Covid-19’s effect on global mental health during its first year (2020).

Some of the key statistics and findings.

-Global prevalence of depression and anxiety spiked by 25%.

-Young people and women were hit hardest by the mental health effects.

-Essential workers were hardest hit. Health care workers’ exhaustion was a major trigger for suicidal thinking.

-Those with pre-existing conditions that might raise their risk of fatality from Covid, such as cancer, heart disease, and asthma, were more likely to develop symptoms of mental disorders.

-Those with pre-existing mental disorders weren’t more likely to be infected with Covid, but were more likely to be hospitalized.

-Mental health services were severely disrupted — more so than other health services. That obviously led to a vicious cycle whereby those with pre-existing conditions were less likely to be able to access services, and those who were in the midst of developing new mental disorders were less likely to seek care.

-Even though 90% of countries say they’ve stepped up their mental health services, there is still a massive shortage.

Clearly, this is going to be a generational mental health problem for those who have survived this horrible disease.

You can find a Covid vaccine here.

And you can…

Find a psychiatrist here.

Find a therapist here.

[Photo: Pexels, free stock photography]

March 12, 2022

STUDY: AI-curated music playlists can “significantly” help reduce symptoms of high trait anxiety

written by Christian Heinze

A new study, published in the academic journal, PLOSONE, suggests that a number of music and other auditory stimuli like ABS (auditory beat stimulation) can help reduce symptoms of trait anxiety.

I’d recommend reading Corrie Pelc’s write-up on the study in Medical News Today, but here’s the bite sized verison.

First, a few definitions.

ABS “uses sound waves to produce combination tones, binaural beats, or monaural beats […] with the intention of producing a neural frequency following response.”

Trait Anxiety refers to a “relatively stable disposition within the individual to judge a wide range of environmental events as potentially threatening.”

If you don’t have trait anxiety, you might not get what that means. If so, awesome.

If you do have trait anxiety, you know exactly the feeling that definition describes, so I need say know more.

Anyway, as context, the study’s lead author told Medical News Today that past research shows music can have a powerful effect on anxiety.

However, it seems that music can be particularly powerful when it’s personally curated and matches the individual’s current state of mood.

You and I can relate.

Sometimes a melancholy song hurts too much, sometimes it’s exactly what we need when we’re melancholy.

Only we know.

Sometimes a hymn can mean a great deal, other times, it can provoke trauma from childhood churches that simultaneously sang those hymns while soon thereafter preaching a graceless gospel of a jesus who was anything but loving (I don’t capitalize “Jesus” there, because it was anything but the real Jesus) .

Only we know whether that will help.

For example, I have a friend who can’t hear the Doxology without spiraling into a pit of trauma.

It’s not the words, it’s the context where they heard the words.

So the study.

The team put participants in four groups: 1) a playlist personally created by AI for the person + ABS. 2) Music playlist only 3) ABS only 4) Pink noise only.

Some findings:

–Participants with “moderate trait anxiety” experienced the largest reduction in symptoms when listening to a combo of ABS and the AI-personalized music playlist.

–Participants with “high trait anxiety” experienced the most relief from their anxiety symptoms when listening ONLY to their AI-curated music playlist. In other words, no ABS.

There are a number of potential reasons for why ABS appeared to help for some, but not others, but I won’t get into that here.

But the point is — this is more scientific proof that music YOU like, that fits your mood at the moment, can help relieve symptoms of trait anxiety.

The researchers are next going to look into a study where this phenomenon is measured over a longer period of time, to test whether it can provide lasting relief.

And yes, as I write this, I’m listening to a Spotify playlist that never fails, regardless of mood, strangely.

If you struggle with anxiety.

Find a psychiatrist here.

Find a therapist here.

And find salvation that leads to resurrection at death here: Jesus: “I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except by me.”

One of my favorites here.

March 11, 2022

The Survivors

written by Christian Heinze

One of my favorite songs from Pet Shop Boys. For every hurting human, who manages to keep going while hurting.

“Many roads will cross through many lives
But somehow you survive.”

Find a psychiatrist here.

Find a therapist here.

Find salvation here: Jesus: “I am the way, the truth, and the life.”

If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself or others, please call the National Suicide Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.

And now, the beautiful song.

March 9, 2022

The “all-or-nothing” thinking behind health anxiety

written by Christian Heinze

Dr. Brittney Chesworth has a good read on a phenomenon that was growing even before Covid made it more prevalent — “Health Anxiety.”

I’ve written about it extensively, having developed it after becoming a dad, and if you struggle with this enormously challenging and often private battle, I’d suggest you read her article.

And then, of course, look for a therapist or psychiatrist.

But Chesworth notes that people with health anxiety often fall into “all-or-nothing” thinking where they think of health as binary.

They think they’re either perfectly healthy or deathly ill.

For example, take a suspicious mole on your arm.

Someone with health anxiety might immediately think it’s melanoma that’s spread.

In reality, it could be completely benign, or if it is, indeed, cancerous, it could be a much less serious basal cell carcinoma (Plopped in the middle of seriousness between basal cell and malignant melanoma is a squamous cell carcinoma).

There’s a spectrum of skin cancers, and while something might be wrong with that mole, it doesn’t mean death is imminent.

So one of the roots of health anxiety, Chesworth notes, is seeing “health and illness in rigid, inflexible terms.”

An inability to see that “health,” however it’s defined, is a spectrum.

No one’s body is perfectly healthy, but not every person is facing imminent death.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Chesworth suggests, is particularly helpful in challenging cognitive distortions such as the “all-or-nothing” thinking that’s common in health anxiety.

Finally, I want to mention this.

Thanks to the theological errors underpinning “victorious Christian living,” Christians often feel particularly ashamed of fearing physical suffering.

This, despite the fact that Jesus took physical suffering, deadly seriously.

He told John’s disciples of his ministry in Matthew 11, “The blind see, the lame walk, those with leprosy are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised to life, and the Good News is being preached to the poor.”

That was proof of his Messiahship, and many of those proofs were about alleviating physical suffering.

Jesus understood the pain of physical suffering and he certainly dreaded the cross.

Yet Christians today often adopt some kind of pseudo-gnosticism where they dismiss physical suffering because this life is all about the soul.

And so, scores of Christians with health anxiety are shamed into silence by a church that promotes faulty theology.

If you’re looking to engage with others who struggle with health anxiety, I’ve found No More Panic a particularly good discussion board, as well as Beyond Blue.

And finally.

Find a psychiatrist here.

Find a therapist here.

[Painting: You know it. What’s the connection to this post? Well a) I try to put as much art on here as possible and b) did you know that one professor of pathological anatomy believes that Lisa del Giocondo, the supposed inspiration for The Mona Lisa, suffered from high cholesterol?

Caryln Beccia:

He came to this diagnosis after noticing fatty acid buildups on her left eyelid — called xanthelasma. You will also notice that she has a small lipoma on her right hand. A lipoma is a benign fatty tissue tumor common in those with high cholesterol.

March 9, 2022

Simons: Don’t mistake “not yet” for “not enough”

written by Christian Heinze

Ruth Chou Simons, writing in When Strivings Cease — a book that gracefully rebukes the dangerous “gospel of self-improvement,” which is so prevalent these days in some circles, and also threatens our neurotic spiritual lives.

Simons writes:

“We are living the now and not yet.

And in this in between, we can mistake not yet for not enough if we’re not grounded in what the Bible actually says about God’s favor and how we receive it.

We’re not yet sinless, but his forgiveness is enough to make us clean.

We’re not yet with him face-to-face, but his presence is enough to sustain us.

We’re not yet fully transformed, but his glory is enough to declare us worthy.

Instead of deeply rooting ourselves within the substance of God’s grace, we keep trying to fit grace into the framework of our own soil for success — a framework that feeds on our innate pressure to perform and seeks to sustain a standard that disappoints no one.”

March 8, 2022

“Lord, I need you”

written by Christian Heinze

At all times, and for all of time, Lord.

Matt Maher’s, “Lord, I need you”

Lord, I come, I confess
Bowing here, I find my rest
Without you, I fall apart
You’re the one that guides my heart

Lord, I need you, oh, I need you
Every hour, I need you
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need you

Where sin runs deep, your grace is more
Where grace is found is where you are
And where you are, Lord, I am free
Holiness is Christ in me

Lord, I need you, oh, I need you
Every hour, I need you
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need you

So teach my song to rise to you
When temptation comes my way
And when I cannot stand, I’ll fall on you
Jesus, you’re my hope and stay

Lord, I need you, oh, I need you
Every hour, I need you
My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need you

You’re my one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need you

My one defense, my righteousness
Oh God, how I need you

March 3, 2022

A good article on avoidance

written by Christian Heinze

Over at Psychology Today, Yale Dr. Jennifer Kilkus tackles the things we don’t want to tackle because of fear.

I’m in.

Fearfully, I’m in, with one step out the door.

“Avoidance,” she says, “is a common and attractive short-term coping strategy that can have consequences in the long term.”

While that might give us some short-term reprieve, Kilkus notes that “there isn’t a lot of emotional space to connect to the things that are most meaningful to us.”

In other words, you can’t bury the bad things, without sacrificing the future, good things that can come with the burial.

I’d suggest reading Kilkus’ whole piece because it really is very good.

And I’d just add this for us Christians.

In Christianity today, there’s a lot of pressure to feel the joy of the Lord, while somehow forgetting the sorrows of the world. And our lives.

In fact, go to church, and you’re immediately blasted with smiles, that opening song where they make you stand up and pretend you’re excited (“COME, NOW IS THE TIME TO WORSHIP!”) and today, Sunday morning — the church is contractually and spiritually obligated to keep you from anything but rejoicing.

I think the purpose is two-fold.

First, Christianity is ultimately about good news.

Resurrection unto life.

It is the best thing the world’s got going for it, because it’s the only thing that transcends it, and O God, how we want to be transcended from it.

But while we’ve been born again, we haven’t yet been resurrected.

Jesus wept, and while he lived in the world, he was a “man of sorrows.”

Second, churches want to survive. If they can make it a happy place, well, who doesn’t enjoy a water park?

But if people wanted to go to a water park on a Sunday, they would just go to a water park.

They go to church for something deeper, and that depth has to incorporate our depths, and that includes the depths of our sorrows.

I’m not just talking about the mega churches which are famous for force-feeding Sunday water parks.

I’m also talking about your local “Bible-based” church that probably forcefully rejects the notion they’re feel good places, but if you step into those bastions of “discernment,” you will still feel the pressure to act like you’re feeling great.

That’s because, very often, these churches claim spirituality is the balm for any depression, anxiety, or mood disorder.

These churches often teach that doctrines “renew the mind,” and they seem to take that quite literally — doctrine can heal minds with physical disease by talking about God’s sovereignty 500 straight weeks.

Meanwhile, congregants get sick like normal humans, and these churches understand that they can’t renew their congregants minds out of cancer, but such churches don’t know or refuse to believe that depression and anxiety are also medical conditions.

In the context of Christianity, you and I often live within a church and church community that wants to avoid talking about long-lasting pain.

We might acknowledge the pain that brought us to church, but once we’re there, it’s expected to be fixed or else we’re not doing it right.

And so, a Christian church that avoids the suffering of our lives will always fail to cultivate the “joy of the Lord” they claim to foster.

That’s why, I think, no matter how much progress is being made in acknowledging depression and anxiety, the church still feels like such a hostile place for the suffering.

We cannot spiritually flourish in a place that forces us to bury our emotions.

Does that mean we walk away?

Maybe, until you feel safe and strong enough.

I’ve had to, plenty of times.

But I think the more we say, “I’m miserable, but I love Christ, and those two things are compatible,” the more other Christians will look furtively, left and right, then whisper, “Um, I kind of am miserable too.”

And if they don’t feel that way, we’re thrilled for them.

And if they do feel that way, you’ve just made a really good friend.

Oh, also, one final note: medicine has really helped me. And millions of others. So there’s that.

Find a psychiatrist here.

Find a therapist here.

I wish I could say “Find a church that welcomes and is cool with the lifelong depressed here,” and you just sort by zip code, but unfortunately, the internet hasn’t come up with that good a filter yet. Maybe we’ll find one in the metaverse.

[Stock Photo: Pexels, free photography.]

March 3, 2022

Water…. for depression and anxiety?

written by Christian Heinze

Over at The Conversation, Nikolaj Travica has a great breakdown of a) studies suggesting that drinking more water might help alleviate some symptoms of anxiety and b) why that could be the case.

Among other studies, he points to this from 2018, which showed that, after controlling for confounding factors, drinking fewer than 2 cups of water/day was associated with a 73% and 54% increment in the risk of depression.

Meanwhile, those who drank more than 5 cups of water/day were significantly less likely to report depression and anxiety.

Now I know what you’re thinking.

What about those controls?

For example, if you exercise more, you drink more. We know that exercise reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety.

So is it the exercise or water consumption that’s helping?

There are loads of potentially confounding factors like that, but the researchers controlled for them, and found the relationship between water consumption and depression, particularly strong (the link with anxiety was less clear).

From both that particular study and ones before it, the researchers concluded: “due to bidrectional link between metabolic status and mental health, it might be concluded that water consumption can affect mental disorders via affecting metabolic status.”

Further, they concluded that a possible mechanism for water’s effect on depression might be that drinking more water decreases activity of the sympathetic nervous system, which reduces plasma levels of norepinephrine.

Travica at the Conversation points to other reasons why water consumption might affect our mood.

For example, dehydration can increase the stress hormone, cortisol, it can also affect the levels of serotonin in our brain, and it can cause the brain to slow down and not function properly.

Research is still limited.

And it’s worth noting that, often times, when we’re depressed, self-care goes out the window, and simply walking to the kitchen to fill up our glass can seem really tough.

So there’s a chicken-egg situation, but researchers acknowledge there could be a bidirectional relationship.

And, despite the relative paucity of research studies, the theoretical case for drinking more water for our mental health certainly seems pretty strong.

[Photo: Pexels, free stock photography]

March 2, 2022

I took a little break

written by Christian Heinze

Just an update on my week-long break from posting…

You might deal with panic attacks.

I’ve dealt with them for the past five years, I take medicine, and it helps.

Sometimes though I don’t take my medicine, and that’s what happened last week.

Panic attacks can make you feel like you’re dying, and there’s such an overlap between panic attack symptoms and heart attack symptoms that the internet is awash in articles, explaining that overlap and the key differences.

I know the literature, front and back, five years into this.

Whenever I have a really bad panic attack, I remind myself a) no matter how much I feel like I’m dying, this is just anxiety and b) I seem to have good cardiovascular health, so yeah, it really is probably anxiety.

I’ve been through this so often, and I’ve never gone to the ER for a panic attack.

Last week, I finally did. I knew it was probably a panic attack, but this one set a new bar for me, and I went in.

And yup, heart was fine, everything was fine, and I left with the diagnosis I already had. Anxiety.

So that explains the break in posting.

It can sometimes take a little bit to recover from an attack like that. You know how exhausting it can be. It can leave you on edge for awhile, and ultimately, to some depression that saps your mental energy.

Further, it’s been difficult to fathom how the Ukranians are going through all this so bravely, while I’m having panic attacks out of the blue.

That’s a cognitive challenge that can make you feel seriously discouraged about yourself and trigger some self-loathing, no matter how much you know that one of the hallmarks of panic disorder is that it’s often triggered by nothing discernible.

But I’m ok. Just took a break.

If you struggle with this, too.

Find a psychiatrist here.

Find a therapist here.

March 2, 2022

Load More Posts