Henri Nouwen, writing in The Inner Voice of Love (emphasis added).
“You are still afraid to die. That fear is connected with the fear that you are not loved.
Your question, “Do you Love Me?” and your questions, “Do I have to Die?” are deeply connected. You asked these questions as a little child, and you are still asking them.
As you come to know that you are loved fully and unconditionally, you will also come to know that you do not have to fear death.
Love is stronger than death; God’s love was there for you before you were born and will be there for you after you have died.”
Amen.
Think about that, over and over: “God’s love was there for you before you were born and will be there for you after you have died.”
Maybe you’re not afraid to die.
I am.
“But why? Don’t you believe in Christ, salvation, our resurrection, his love.”
Yes.
But I also have a depressive, pessimistic temperament, and an OCD and anxiety that leads me into relentless and self-destructive spiritual reflection.
The Good News? Really?
Our mental health battles can absolutely lay waste to any confidence or joy in our faith. They just can.
“Lord, help thou my unbelief” is a daily prayer.
And as Nouwen notes, we even asked this as a child: Am I really loved?
That’s all a child wants to know, and that’s all an adult wants to know.
And no matter how long we’ve been a Christian, we still ask ourselves: “Can God really love me?”
You and I know the answer, and we know the verses, and how the game of “encouragement” is played at church and how we feel forced to nod that “Yes, I’ve finally got it!’, and yet our minds are plagued by depressive feelings of worthlessness that imagines any kind of love for us, unimaginable.
But that’s our depression, not the Holy Spirit or Jesus, talking to us, lying to us, trying to talk us to the ground.
As Nouwen writes: “God’s love was there for you before you were born and will be there for you after you have died.”
Hold onto that. Hold onto Christ.
Oh, and even if you stop holding, he’ll hold you. Always and forever. Just as you would your own beloved child.
