N.T. Wright, in his book Surprised by Hope, quotes this Anglican prayer, which is for all humans, and maybe people like you and me need to say it more than the others.
Lighten our darkness, we beseech thee, O Lord;
and by thy great mercy
defend us from all perils and dangers of this night;
for the love of thy only Son,
our Savior Jesus Christ. Amen.
Yes.
I especially like:
“Defends us from the perils and dangers of this night.”
You and I have faced many nights where the dangers are entirely in our minds, and yet they are as real as though a marauder were at our doorstep, ready to rob us of everything, including our lives.
This isn’t the insomnia of “How can I face work tomorrow?”
It’s the insomnia of “How can I face a sun tomorrow that so many are thrilled to see, yet for me, it’s just another day to remember a night is coming? What is wrong with me? God, why won’t you just make this a little easier? It would be better for everyone. Not just me. But everyone. Why don’t you want this? Everyone does.”
And you can’t sleep, but a dream is all you want, because at least a dream is elsewhere.
For us, these are the dangers and the perils of the night.
“Pray like David on these nights,” someone might tell us.
Well, which prayers of David?
Because he found both refuge in God, at night, and sometimes, complete bewilderment and agony while talking to him.
For the dispositionally positive Christian, it’s awfully easy to forget that the Bible is full of lament from the saints, questions that aren’t resolved.
Cherry-picking the encouraging verses and forgetting the inexplicable “why’s” might make us feel better for a moment, but they don’t truly satisfy, because we always come back to the “why’s,’ because we are human.
And the Bible is aware of our humanity, and that’s why it’s not a Hallmark movie (ugh), but a book filled with desperation, love, death, stuff we can’t explain because it’s so depressing, and stuff we can’t explain because it’s so beautiful — in short, everything we know that is true about human life.
If the Scriptures promised total peace, the answer to every question, and unmarred joy on earth, why would we need a heaven?
So until then, we pray, “Defends us from all perils and dangers of this night.”
And until then, we also look for professional help with our condition, as well.
So…
Find a psychiatrist here.
Find a therapist here.
If you’re having thoughts of harming yourself or others, please call the National Suicide Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255.
[Painting: Virgil’s Tomb by Moonlight, Joseph Wright of Derby]
