Kevin Love is a championship-winning, 5-time All-Star basketball player, who famously opened up about his battles with depression and anxiety in a 2018 essay.
At the time, I remember one of the knocks on his game was that he was a “little soft.”
In basketball terms, that usually means you don’t knock the other guy down going for the rebound. But if you watched him, it was a ridiculous charge because he actually would go hard for every rebound and loose ball.
But the label stuck because he occasionally seemed to be struggling with something that wasn’t basketball. There wasn’t a joy to his game.
And his essay, finally opening up about his struggle was an instant classic:
Growing up, you figure out really quickly how a boy is supposed to act. You learn what it takes to “be a man.” It’s like a playbook: Be strong. Don’t talk about your feelings. Get through it on your own. So for 29 years of my life, I followed that playbook. And look, I’m probably not telling you anything new here. These values about men and toughness are so ordinary that they’re everywhere … and invisible at the same time, surrounding us like air or water. They’re a lot like depression or anxiety in that way.
So for 29 years, I thought about mental health as someone else’s problem. Sure, I knew on some level that some people benefited from asking for help or opening up. I just never thought it was for me. To me, it was form of weakness that could derail my success in sports or make me seem weird or different.
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Once his essay dropped in 2018, some his critics said: “I knew it! He is soft!”
And then, those folks were quickly drowned out by applause from the sports community and world-at-large, who said, “Wow, opening up about that is the hardest thing anyone could do.”
And you know what, more players are talking about mental health than ever before.
Love was groundbreaking.
Simone Biles, Michael Phelps, Dak Prescott, Naomi Osaka and the list goes on.
Now here’s what’s important for you and me.
In a new interview with CNBC, Love said that ever since he penned the essay, he’s been approached by other athletes who struggle with their challenges.
He tells CNBC:
“If I didn’t have the tools or had not worked with a therapist the last four years, I don’t know if I would have been able to deal with people sharing their stories.”
When we get help for our struggles, we can help others.
And when we talk about our struggles, the struggling ones will talk with us.
It will help them, and it will help you.
There’s also a bond between depressed or anxious folks that breaks down our false faces, almost instantly.
Ever seen two recovering addicts meet? They’re lifelong friends in the first, few moments, and there’s no peacock preening.
Like C.S. Lewis said, friendship begins when someone says, “Oh, you, too?”
And the deeper the, “Oh, you, too?” the deeper the connection.
If someone tells me, “Oh, you like pizza?!” that’s not much to go on.
But if they say, “I have panic attacks for no reason, and yet sometimes, for every reason,” well, that starts things off on a much deeper level.
Of course, there’s always risk.
Some people will look at you, and you can see a quick mental rearrangement happening, a recalculation, and now you’re something smaller — you’re a little sad and pathetic.
Meh. That’s on them.
At first, I cared a lot. Now I don’t care much, and there’s a little book by Tim Keller called The Freedom of Self-Forgetfulness that’s among the things that’s helped.
And more often than not, you’ll find a new, fast friend who struggles with something similar.
Or, even if they don’t battle mental health, they’ll be attracted by your honesty, and friendship will form.
Kevin Love has won championships, Simone Biles is the greatest gymnast who’s ever lived, Michael Phelps has won more gold medals than any human being, but all of them have opened up about their depression and anxiety, and I think if you’d ask them, at the end of all this, what’s been most meaningful thing in their lives. they’d answer: “The difference I’ve made in the lives of the hurting.”
Sounds a bit like Jesus, doesn’t it.
Henri Nouwen writes, “This is exactly the announcement of the wounded healer. ‘The Master is coming — not tomorrow, but today, not next year, but this year. Not after all our misery has passed, but in the middle of it. Not in another place, but right here, where we are standing’.”
If you’re still too squeamish to open up to your friends, I understand. It’s really hard, at first.
So try a discussion board. They’re anonymous and a fantastic means of support, and here are some good ones.
Anyway, bravo, Kevin Love. The world owes you.
[Photo of Kevin Love, by Keith Allison]
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