The Weary Christian
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      STUDY: Awe can reduce depressive symptoms

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      NEW STUDY: How the brain unlearns fear

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      STUDY: Stressed mice adopt anorexia-like behaviors

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      What a relief

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      STUDY: Awe can reduce depressive symptoms

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      STUDY: How music-mindfulness can help depression, anxiety

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      STUDY: Chronic pain associated with higher rates of…

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      STUDY: Eating citrus fruits can reduce risk of…

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      Study: Why so many disorders are linked

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      INTERVIEW: Dr. Terry Powell’s gripping account of depression

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  • Depression
    • Depression

      STUDY: Awe can reduce depressive symptoms

      Depression

      STUDY: How music-mindfulness can help depression, anxiety

      Depression

      STUDY: Chronic pain associated with higher rates of…

      Depression

      STUDY: Eating citrus fruits can reduce risk of…

      Depression

      STUDY: Lycopene can help ease depressive symptoms in…

  • Anxiety
    • Anxiety

      STUDY: Awe can reduce depressive symptoms

      Anxiety

      STUDY: How music-mindfulness can help depression, anxiety

      Anxiety

      STUDY: Chronic pain associated with higher rates of…

      Anxiety

      NEW STUDY: How the brain unlearns fear

      Anxiety

      STUDY: Stressed mice adopt anorexia-like behaviors

  • Book quotes/Video
    • Book quotes/Video

      Your verse for today

      Book quotes/Video

      Keller: On Peter and identity

      Book quotes/Video

      Voskamp: It’s all about where you look

      Book quotes/Video

      “Remember Me”

      Book quotes/Video

      What a relief

  • Health News
    • Health News

      STUDY: Awe can reduce depressive symptoms

      Health News

      STUDY: How music-mindfulness can help depression, anxiety

      Health News

      STUDY: Chronic pain associated with higher rates of…

      Health News

      STUDY: Eating citrus fruits can reduce risk of…

      Health News

      Study: Why so many disorders are linked

  • Interviews
    • Interviews

      INTERVIEW: Dr. Terry Powell’s gripping account of depression

      Interviews

      INTERVIEW: Therapist Michael Schiferl explains religious scrupulosity and…

      Interviews

      INTERVIEW: Rocker Matt Sassano shares battles, urges transparency…

      Interviews

      INTERVIEW: Dr. Brian Briscoe tells Christians that antidepressants…

      Interviews

      INTERVIEW: Pastor Scott Sauls on anxiety, depression, and…

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The Weary Christian

THE WEARY CHRISTIAN

LIVING WITH FAITH AND DEPRESSION

  • Depression
    • Depression

      STUDY: Awe can reduce depressive symptoms

      Depression

      STUDY: How music-mindfulness can help depression, anxiety

      Depression

      STUDY: Chronic pain associated with higher rates of…

      Depression

      STUDY: Eating citrus fruits can reduce risk of…

      Depression

      STUDY: Lycopene can help ease depressive symptoms in…

  • Anxiety
    • Anxiety

      STUDY: Awe can reduce depressive symptoms

      Anxiety

      STUDY: How music-mindfulness can help depression, anxiety

      Anxiety

      STUDY: Chronic pain associated with higher rates of…

      Anxiety

      NEW STUDY: How the brain unlearns fear

      Anxiety

      STUDY: Stressed mice adopt anorexia-like behaviors

  • Book quotes/Video
    • Book quotes/Video

      Your verse for today

      Book quotes/Video

      Keller: On Peter and identity

      Book quotes/Video

      Voskamp: It’s all about where you look

      Book quotes/Video

      “Remember Me”

      Book quotes/Video

      What a relief

  • Health News
    • Health News

      STUDY: Awe can reduce depressive symptoms

      Health News

      STUDY: How music-mindfulness can help depression, anxiety

      Health News

      STUDY: Chronic pain associated with higher rates of…

      Health News

      STUDY: Eating citrus fruits can reduce risk of…

      Health News

      Study: Why so many disorders are linked

  • Interviews
    • Interviews

      INTERVIEW: Dr. Terry Powell’s gripping account of depression

      Interviews

      INTERVIEW: Therapist Michael Schiferl explains religious scrupulosity and…

      Interviews

      INTERVIEW: Rocker Matt Sassano shares battles, urges transparency…

      Interviews

      INTERVIEW: Dr. Brian Briscoe tells Christians that antidepressants…

      Interviews

      INTERVIEW: Pastor Scott Sauls on anxiety, depression, and…

  • About
J.S. Park: Self-talk in the third person
Book quotes/Video

J.S. Park: Self-talk in the third person

November 13, 2021

In his book, The Voices We Carry, hospital chaplain and teaching pastor, J.S. Park, offers this valuable, evidence-based, little nugget for those of us who are prone to self-condemnation.

And for the self-condemnation sort of goes with the territory.

Park writes in his book:

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“We say the worst things to ourselves that we’d never say to anyone else, and we root for others while forgetting to root for ourselves.

….I had read that when we see ourselves in the third person, we have more compassion for ourselves and get a boost of bravery.

In other words, instead of asking, What do I need? it’s better to say, What does Jane need? Instead of saying, You can do this, it’s better to say John can do this. It’s like rooting for somebody in a movie, except that somebody is you. Seeing yourself in a story, it seems, gives you enough empathy to advocate for yourself the same way you’d stick your neck out for a friend.

I have often wondered how I could do such a thing. How I could find the courage to say what was true even when it was hardest.

And if I saw myself rom the point of view of God, the real advocate, in the same way He sees me, then I could step up for a guy like me.

If you could see yourself from His side of things, you might root for yourself a bit more. You might believe you have a voice worth hearing.”

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The idea that God sees us more lovingly than we see ourselves is, of course, entirely biblical.

I John 3:1: “See how very much our Father loves us, for he calls us his children, and that is what we are!”

And because of that, Thomas Merton wrote, “Who am I? I am one loved by Christ,” and concluded:

“Quit keeping score altogether and surrender ourselves with all our sinfulness to God who sees neither the score nor the scorekeeper but only his child redeemed by Christ.”

I know we know this, but it’s a constant battle to believe it, and it’s what inspired Henri Nouwen to write, “The spiritual life is a long and often arduous search for what you have already found.”

A-MEN.

There are a lot of churches who, while acknowledging our salvation in Christ, want to keep us in a perpetual state of wondering, asking, worrying whether or not we measure up.

But that’s the message, the religion Christ came to destroy.

A child shouldn’t have to worry every day about whether she’s loved, or wonder whether she’s good enough on Monday to be loved by her parents, but too bad on Tuesday.

If we’re good parents, our kids shouldn’t even have to ask in the loneliness of night, “Am I loved?”

And yet that’s the kind of Father that’s preached in many pulpits. He’s like a dad who manipulates his children into obedience by loving us if we do right, or turning his face from us if we do wrong.

No wonder so many Christians, including myself, have been scarred by this image of the Father and can’t grasp that being his child isn’t just a good thing, but the best possible thing.

P.S. By the way, the study Park refers to about talking to ourselves in third person is this one, and it’s pretty fascinating and proves just how effective it can be for us.

The researchers concluded, in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology:

….. non-first-person language use (compared with first-person language use) leads people to appraise future stressors in more challenging and less threatening terms. Finally, a meta-analysis (Study 6) indicated that none of these findings were moderated by trait social anxiety, highlighting their translational potential. Together, these findings demonstrate that small shifts in the language people use to refer to the self during introspection consequentially influence their ability to regulate their thoughts, feelings, and behavior under social stress, even for vulnerable individuals.

This is another example of how psychology and Christianity are not at odds, as so many Christians claim.

When we talk to ourselves as someone, beloved, we’re the better for it, and when we see ourselves as God sees us, then that is so overpowering we will be more likely to extend that to others.

Christian Heinze

Christian Heinze is a former writer for The Hill and editor of The Weary Christian.

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The Weary Christian goal…

 

a) reduce the stigma surrounding depression, anxiety, OCD, and other conditions in the Christian community.

 

b) have uncomfortable but honest conversations.

 

c) Reduce the stigma surrounding antidepressants, antipsychotics, and other meds God has given us as gifts.

 

And…

 

d) Sometimes (tons of times), we all feel really, really depressed in our journey. Hopefully, this site makes you feel less alone.

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