Vaneetha Risner, in her oh-so-excellent book, The Scars that Have Shaped Me, notes that Jesus is familiar with this sorrow.
Writing of Jesus’ plea that his cup of suffering pass, if possible:
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“The Father said ‘no’ to the Son. And that brought about the greatest good in all of history. God is not capricious.
If he says ‘no’ to our requests, he has a reason – perhaps ten thousands.
We may never know the reasons in this life, but one day we’ll see them all.
For now, we must trust that his refusals are always his mercies to us.”
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There’s a part of me (the majority part) that, of course, hates that. I hate God’s refusals. They’re dispiriting, depressing, and we wonder how they could actually come from God.
But faith in God isn’t just about faith in God. It’s faith in his goodness.
If you’ve given up on that goodness this Christmas, he hasn’t.
On Christmas Eve, I’m going to write something truer to the night Jesus was born than the night that he suffered, but I don’t want to ignore the fact that we know the holiday period worsens symptoms for 64% of people who struggle with mental health.
And it’s often, I think, because of the disconnect between the lives and messages we see around us, and our own spirit inside.
There are so many “God, why?’ moments in life, and they often get louder as Christmas joy spreads wider.
A woman told the National Alliance of Mental Health, “The holiday season beams a spotlight on everything that is difficult about living with depression. The pressure to be joyful and social is tenfold.”
My own darkest depression hit me just before Christmas, a few decades ago.
Having said all that, Christmas is my favorite time of year. Not because of getting together with family or food or anything.
But because I can still find the childlike wonder of snowglobes that promise a magical life, if only you could shrink yourself. And so I shrink myself to the portals of my youth that disappeared long ago.
And then, I hear a carol late at night, and remember, “Immanuel,” God is with us. And one day we will be with him, and suddenly life has life again. Not bouncing for joy life. But “I’ll keep going because this moment has reminded me of what all moments will be, one day.”
And I’ll write about that later this week, on Christmas Eve.
But if you’re feeling helplessly caught in a Christmas after Christmas loop of mental battles…
Here’s a psychiatrist near you.
And a therapist.
The National Suicide Lifeline is at 1-800-273-8255.
And remember, Jesus before the cross: “This is my body, which is given for you.” He’s still here, too.
