You might know solo artist Matt Sassano from his song “Not My Name,” which went #1 on the Christian rock charts, or his body of work with the bands, Transparent and Transparent Soul.
But maybe you haven’t heard the story behind his newest hit, “Dear God,” or about his battle with cerebral palsy, enduring terrible childhood abuse, and living with a rare learning disability.
Those struggles have infused his music with the kind of honesty you rarely (and I mean, rarely) hear on Christian radio.
We recently chatted about Matt’s story, his passion for mental health, the church’s lack of transparency, and his new “My Dear God Letters” initiative, which he’s launched with The Hope Line.
Our interview has been edited for brevity and clarity.
HEINZE: Can you tell me about your background?
SASSANO: Growing up, I went through a lot of challenges because I struggled with cerebral palsy and have another disability called dyscalculia.
The doctors projected that I would have a very limited chance of making it from birth, and I just remember growing up struggling in so many different ways.
Because of the cerebral palsy, I would always trip and fall. I had a lazy eye where I couldn’t see well.
I was always that black sheep from day one.
I struggled with my education. I had to wear leg braces. Little did we know I also had dyscalculia. That wasn’t formally diagnosed until I was 19 years old. I got lost often. I can’t really discern directions.
When I became a teenager, music was the first thing that made me feel empowered as somebody who didn’t feel comfortable in his own skin or who had much to say.
Tooth and Nail was the first thing to hook me onto rock. I’d put on the headphones, walk around town, and imagine something greater.
I was raised in a church family.
I was a pastor’s son, and I got to see a lot of great aspects of church life.
But behind the scenes, there was some of the darkness. A lot of abuse and hidden things started to take root.
My dad was the pastor. A lot of people would be getting touched by the message, and we’d come home to a lot of fights and abuse going on that we could never disclose.
So a lot of my life was confused about what was real and what wasn’t.
From an early age, I wanted to be transparent with who I was – whether it was good or bad.
It was my life’s mission to be honest with people because I felt there was a lack of honesty there, and I think that’s guided and motivated by music.
HEINZE: So the lack of honesty in the church is what guided it?
SASSANO: Absolutely. There were a lot of well-meaning people. I don’t want to paint it with a hugely broad brush.
A lot of people there were kind of corrupted. I saw a lot of fakeness. I despised it.
Whether I was in a good or bad frame of mind, I wanted to let people know.
I tended to act out as a teenager. I had a lot of energy. I didn’t want to paint that fake picture. I’d be the guy outside the service, smoking cigarettes in the parking lot and not hiding a thing about it because I thought, “If everybody’s fake, I’d rather be real and imperfect than put this image up.”
So I think that’s what motivated my entire early beginnings in music – wanting to talk about things that people would try to sweep under the rug.
Whether it be mental health or church corruption or just things that people are dealing with but don’t want to confront. Those uncomfortable topics.
I think those formative years of being in church and seeing a lot the hypocrisy and lack of authenticity motivated me to be who I am today.
HEINZE: You have a song called “That’s not my name” that I think resonates with depressed people.
SASSANO: “Not my name” is a song about the people who feel like a black sheep or, like me, struggle with disabilities.
Often times, growing up, a lot of people with disabilities became known by their disabilities.
You’d hear, “There’s the blind kid” or “The deaf kid.”
In my case, I walked with a limp so people would say, “There’s the kid who walks with a limp.”
You’d adopt this name that becomes your identity. People don’t look any further than the surface.
“Not my name” is a song that says you can call me what you want, but that’s not all there is to me. That’s not who I am.
I was so glad because it went #1 on the Christian rock charts, and has opened a huge conversation about disabilities and people who struggle with labels and feeling like the black sheep, so I was happy about that.
HEINZE: Was it tough for you to be honest about all this?
SASSANO: I did not want to come out with my disabilities for years and years. Even with my early band projects, I was so nervous.
I’d be authentic and real about other things, but that was the one thing that I didn’t want to be stigmatized by.
For me, coming out about my disabilities has enabled me to help others.
In my performances, I wear this hoodie with all the names people have called me in life — “loser” and “retard.”
I get up on the stage and ask people what labels they’ve come in with and tell my story. And by being vulnerable, it’s given me a platform where I can speak.
There’s no other way than to be open and honest, and I think the church is getting closer with being honest about mental health, but we still do have a ways to go.
It’s websites like this that will open those conversations.
HEINZE: When you made the decision to show your greatest vulnerability – has that been a form of therapy?
SASSANO: Yeah, in a way. It’s something to see people embrace their negative titles.
I’m not trying to do a shameless plug, but I have a merch item based on the hoodie I wear that has all these things that people label us with.
When people leave the venues, the front of their shirt will have titles like “loser” and “addict,” and it will say “Not my name” on the back.
I’ll be at a gas station after a show and someone will say, “What? Why do you have all that on your shirt?”
And it opens an opportunity to talk about mental health and disabilities.
I’m so glad to be talking about these things.
HEINZE: Can you talk about the “Dear God Letters” initiative?
SASSANO: I have a song called “Dear God” and, basically, when I was at my darkest point, I’d write letters to God.
When I was overcoming abuse from my father, when I was just feeling like the world was passing me by because I struggled in my education.
I spent a lot of my life, isolated.
So in the midst of my depression, I used to write letters to God, asking him my purpose for life and venting my frustrations.
I did this for years, and the new video and song is based on the letters I’d written to God.
MyDearGodLetters.com is a website where you can go and fill out your own Dear God Letter.
People can be honest, talk about their issues, and as soon as they submit a “Dear God” letter, they’ll be given a link to The Hope Line — which is an organization I’m working with — to go pursue mental health help.
It just gives them a chance to be honest, flush out their feelings, and then follow up with a resource where they can get help, if they need it.
HEINZE: That’s awesome.
What I like about your “Dear God” song is that it’s about questions.
In fact, the opening line is, “I’ve got questions.”
They’re questions directed to God, and I love that you don’t provide the answers. Which reminds me of a lot of the Psalms. You have a lot of questions like “Why?” “How?” “When?”
Those are questions the Psalmists asked. Most Christian songs are only about the answer, but never the question.
And you’re in an industry that wants to put a positive spin on everything and have an answer for everything.
SASSANO: While I do fully believe in Christ and have given my life to him, we’re often waiting for our answer.
I wanted to create an honest song that talked about the painful side.
I waited years and years and years before I even received an answer to those questions. People don’t understand the weight of struggling with disabilities.
I didn’t have the answers at that time. I still held tight to my faith, I was still praying to God, but we don’t always know the answers.
And I think that’s part of what makes a strong believer.
We hold tight to our beliefs even when we feel like everything is crashing in around us.
There are preachers who say, “Once you accept God into your life, everything is going to be sunshine and butterflies.”
I say, “Dude, you’re creating weak Christians. It’s not what the Bible says.”
HEINZE: There’s this Christian cliché that if you’re going through a tough time, it’s just “a season.” Sometimes it is, but it’s not what you need to hear at the time.
The best music doesn’t necessarily provide an answer. It makes you feel like you’re not alone. The best songs that have ever been written – are they giving you the keys to happiness or love? No! What makes them great is that someone listens to it and says, “Oh, I’m not alone anymore.”
SASSANO: Exactly, there’s something to that. I want to create an honest environment, and we have to move to help build each other up. But there’s no healing without transparency.
HEINZE: Have you felt pressure in your career to put a more positive sheen on things? To make things more commercial?
SASSANO: When my last band broke up, I was really feeling lost so I got involved in a licensing agency where the goal was to write commercially.
I was in that class for a long time, and it felt like I was becoming part of the machine. They wanted me to write happy, they wanted me to write commercial music, and I was just fed up with it.
I’d be so angry about it. They were teaching people how to get into commercials, and I felt like I was stripped of my calling.
My last record, Transcend, is a little safer, lyrically. It was good stuff, but it was me trying to figure out where I belonged, musically.
But with the latest record [In Defiance], that stuff is a lot more open. All the gloves are off, we’re gonna talk about what needs to be talked about.
As soon as my new record came out, I decided to be authentically me, and it started resonating with people.
It just shows people are hungry for honesty.
HEINZE: How are you feeling now, mentally?
SASSANO: I’m doing good now. It’s been such a crazy ride.
I was that kid who dealt with anxiety and depression.
And not that I don’t go through times where I’m feeling depressed, but I think the overall thing is I found my purpose in helping people.
I just got a message the other day from somebody who’d lost their mom over the holidays and “Dear God” helped pull them through, and it’s amazing.
So my mental health is doing really well, and I’m so glad to be out of that situation, but still close to the pain.
I still resonate a lot with what people are going through because my past has given me a lot of experience.
HEINZE: Musical influences?
SASSANO: I grew up loving anything rock and roll. Tooth and Nail was the first thing I got involved in that was really heavy.
But I’ve always been eclectic because I’d go through phases where I’d listen to rap, rock, all kinds of things.
In my old projects, I think I was more along the lines of a Breaking Benjamin influence.
But as I became solo, I realized that if I’m going to do track-based music, this has to have a little more of an electronic feel. For a solo artist like me who’s up there just singing — this has to go a little more EDM or electronic.
I do take a lot of influence from the old school veteran rockers, but I also love to keep my finger on the pulse of what’s coming next because it’s enabled me, as a solo artist, to do more.
HEINZE: Thanks so much!
Matt’s newest song, “Dear God.” And you can check out his newest EP, In Defiance, here.
Photo: Tyler Byars.
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