In his book Finding Quiet, philosopher J.P. Moreland touches on something Christians dare not touch on at group Bible study except to condemn it — complaining. Specifically, complaining to God.
He writes, “Because we do not often talk with each other about our disappointment with God — that seems to be an evangelical taboo — we don’t know what to do with it.
And since this is such a common issue when one is suffering with anxiety, the double whammy can be enough to overwhelm any hope a person has for getting better.”
Then Moreland goes on to note that some 43% of the Psalms are “complaints and expressions of sadness and disappointment in God.”
He asks: “Why is this true? The Jewish worshippers wanted to approach God with sincere hearts……expressing to God our honest feelings and beliefs is a good way to get things off our chest, stop stuffing our feelings, release anxiety, and begin a path toward a more intimate relationship with God.”
He finishes with this: “Laments are the shadow side of faith. It is precisely because we take God seriously and desire to grow in faith and in our relationship with him that we engage in honest lament. If we were indifferent to God, we wouldn’t waste our time with lament.”
Amen.
Our relationship with God is, of course, a relationship. As such, we need to be just as transparent and honest with God as we would any relationship, and if you’re already complaining to him in your heart, he hears that anyway. Don’t try to squelch it when you pray.
Before my wife and I had kids (and had the time to do this thing), we would find a coffee shop when something was bothering us, and I would order a black coffee and she would get one of those $8 muffins that aren’t as good as a Twinkie and then we’d unload on all the things that were bothering us about each other.
Sometimes, it was hard, and we’d have a gentle fight because really, a coffee shop with Bon Iver has to be a place for a gentle fight.
It wasn’t fun, but every single time we left, our relationship was better. Some might have said we were moaning or complaining or whining, and yes, we were. But that’s part of a relationship. If you go to marriage therapy and you don’t complain, there’s no point. Complaining is a vital part of any relationship.
And it’s part of our relationship with God. Again, I go back to what Moreland says of the Bible — God wants us to approach him with a “sincere heart.” He doesn’t want us to pretend.
So if you’re frustrated, tell him. Believe me, he can take it. If my wife and my snowflake self can take it, he certainly can.
(Btw, if you’d like to read my interview with Moreland, you can here).
