Please read my new interview with Pastor Scott Sauls, and also jump into his really gripping account of a “living nightmare” episode from his Gospel Coalition piece, “Anxiety and Depression, My Strange Friends.”
It’ll make you feel less alone, and it’ll offer some comfort.
How bad was the living nightmare? I could not fall asleep for two weeks straight. Even sleeping pills couldn’t calm the adrenaline and knock me out, which only made things worse. At night I was terrified of the quiet, knowing I was likely to lose another all-night battle with insomnia. I was terrified of the sunrise, an unwelcome reminder that another day of impossible struggle was ahead of me. I lost nearly 35 pounds in two months. I couldn’t concentrate in conversations. I found no comfort in God’s promises from Scripture. I was unable to pray anything but “Help” and “Please end this.”
Sauls goes on to note something that I think many of us can relate to — our affliction has a way of making us feel completely, totally, absolutely, 100% helpless.
And that’s when we’re most likely to turn to Jesus. In fact, that’s when anyone is most likely to turn to Jesus.
Now, I don’t want to give a pep talk (pep write would it be?) on all this, because this beast often makes us incapable of even seeing Jesus, of even believing he loves us.
In fact, that’s its worst trick. It makes us think that all the good stuff about Jesus is for others, not ourselves.
So I want to be true to the fact that if you feel 100% overwhelmed in your despair and trapped by your anxiety, don’t put pressure on yourself to somehow see Jesus. He may remain obscured, for whatever reason, although he promises he is right there. Always.
That’s why I think medication is such a crucial piece of this component, as well. When you’re dour and pessimistic on everything, you’ll probably be dour and pessimistic about Christ’s love. And medication has often shown itself effective at reliving that mindset.
In fact, for many, medication is the most crucial piece in treating this disease, because this disease is, well, a disease, and there are all sorts of methods doctors use in treating disease. Medicine, surgery, diet, exercise, and then of course, our spirituality to help us in that dimension.
Now back to Sauls’ article.
He notes that sharing his struggles openly has tightened the bond with his congregation, and that’s a message church leaders desperately need to hear.
“Recently a member in our church (where I’ve been senior pastor for two years) told me he thinks I am a great preacher . . . and he is entirely unimpressed. He told me that the moment he decided to trust me—the moment he decided I was his pastor—was when I shared openly with the church that I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression and have seen counselors for many years.”
That is beyond true.
If you’re a church leader reading this and on the fence about opening up, you’d be amazed at how many people in your congregation will say, “Thank you, thank you, thank you.”
The church is full of people struggling with these battles, just waiting for someone to speak up.
The pressure to be perfect, to always “be growing,” to always be at the top of your spiritual game — man, it’s soul-draining.
There are many reasons young people are leaving the church, but I believe a huge driver is the fact that from the moment you step into one of these places, everything appears manufactured, and for a generation struggling to find truth, a prim and proper façade isn’t going to cut it.
And one more note: if you’re struggling with any mental health condition, please talk to a psychiatrist! It’s not hyperbole to say it could be the difference between life and death. I wish I had made that phone call sooner.
[Photo: Ponta Delgada, Portugal. Pexels]
