A reader and poet from India, Dr. Lisa Choudhrie, sends in this poem to share. I’m sure you can recognize many of these thoughts in yourself, perhaps, as I do, and I pray that you will see you’re not alone.
Christians all over the world battle the traumas of this world, and we are all in this together. Keep pressing on.
“Episode ‘n’.”
by Lisa Choudhrie
Hey Mama, there’s something you need to know
I’m pasting a smile, trying not to let it show
This thing’s getting bigger, not much of me left anymore
Leaving me broken, like floatsam jetsam on the shore..
Mama, you told me, Jesus loves me
That He’d stay with me till the end
That I could depend on Him
That He’d be my forever friend..
Mama, I know He’s here
He’s staying close by my side
Mama, just pray for me
Pray for this thing to subside…
Love of my life, you won’t believe what I’m saying
The things, four letter words, all the miserable swearing
I want to hurl things at everyone, then burst into tears
This thing is a demon, with its abuses and its fears..
Love, you pray for me every day
Your prayers are short, but you show love in so many ways
I’m sorry for screwing up your life royally
God knows, I don’t do this purposefully..
Love, I know you are still there for me
Storming heaven, bearing with my weirdness and insanity
Love, please please don’t stop praying
I want to be normal, be at peace, not a lunatic raving..
My sons, my cheerleaders, I feel broken inside
Not the Mama you’re used to most of the time..
Can’t explain the way I feel
This thing takes over, makes me spin and reel..
Son one, you wrote a poem for me
The day I turned fifty
How did you know about the demons which haunt me?
When did you start writing poetry?
My precious Son two, you say there’s a plan
That God’s in charge, He’s got the best in His hand
‘We’re praying for you,’ these words are your chorus
Pray for your Mama to get o’er this..
Dear God, I’m sick of this stinky sickness
This bone wearing exhaustion, this emotional deadness
I feel flat, don’t want to do anything
Jekyll and Hyde, a sham and its worsening..
You know my thoughts, that’s Psalm 139 for You
You’re the Good Shepherd, You say You’ll take me through
Please please just say the word, and I will be healed
Touch my mind, let the shattered fragments be sealed..
Help my unbelief, make me whole again
The ‘whys’ make me flounder in the sinking sand of pain..
Will I be healed in this life? Or only in the life to come?
When will all my brokenness be joined to be a total sum..
‘Daughter of mine, I cry with you
As the woman at the well and the others- I know the real you..
This life is so transient, so painful at times
Your fragmented painful mind, brings tears to my eyes..
My child, I carried your pain with the Cross on my back
I sympathise with your weakness, with all that you lack
I promise to wipe those tears away
But for now, they’re in my bottle, kept safely away..’
‘Here’s the man who was cutting himself in the tombs
Here’s the woman who had a heart with empty rooms.. ‘
Here are the broken and wounded minds
Due to a plethora of reasons, grim and unkind
Child, I promise you healing in My Name
My angelic host guard you, they minister to you in your pain
The dawn will come, precious one, I’m here with you
I was born, born to die, and my Resurrection power is true…
Thank you, Lisa. You can read more of her poems at her blog, http://heismindful.blogspot.com/
Also,
If you’re depressed, or struggle with any aspect of mental health…
For readers from the United States….
Find a psychiatrist here.
Find a therapist here.
For readers, internationally, seek help from a local resource.
For salvation, Christ and Christ alone.
