Our son is starting kindergarten this morning. He’s never been to school in his life.
He’s also prone to my anxiety, which makes me feel sad and guilty, but at least assures me he’s not the mailman’s baby.
Yesterday, we went to a kindergarten open house, and as he held onto my arm as if it was the only thing holding up his soul, my heart broke for his anxiety but it also stirred in me the kind of strength I rarely feel when I’m alone (for example, writing a post, or writing anything, or really anything-anything).
Right now, back-to-school might mean back-to-insane-levels-of-anxiety for you because it does for me.
Especially if you live in a pandemic hot spot, like we do.
Elizabeth Englander at Salon has some handy tips on how you can help your kids during this time. And I want to mention three, because I think these are the most important.
First on her list, “Encourage activities that reduce anxiety.”
I think the answer here is much the same for adults. Play at something you love. It will distract you, it will release endorphins, it will remind you that there is more to life than anxiety, because often anxiety becomes our life and you know what they say — the biggest threat to you becomes you.
And just because our kids are kids doesn’t mean they’re immune. In fact, as we mature we just replace one monster under the bed for another, and just because grown-up monsters are more rational (usually) doesn’t mean they’re less terrifying.
Second on her list, “Help your kids understand the pandemic.”
Now, I don’t think this means you tell them that ICU beds are dwindling at an astonishing and tragic rate (please get vaxxed!). It means you talk about vaccines and that throughout history, there’ve been global sicknesses, and vaccines often come in to save the day (as God’s gift of course, and please, if you haven’t been vaxxed, I know you won’t take my word for it, but I’m still going to say it. We live in South Florida, and this is real. This is a tragedy. I was at an ER last week for an unrelated condition, and it is, indeed, like a war zone — or at least ones you see on movies, because I’ve never been to an actual war zone. It was tragic, it is tragic, it is needless heartbreak and loss of life).
My son and I have talked about all the diseases that vanished once people agreed to take vaccines, and how soon enough, this one will, as well. Of course it’s a discussion of human sadness, but also of God’s gifts and how people work hard to help bring healing to others.
It’s the kind of story you’ll be talking about a lot with them as they grow up.
Third on her list, “Focus on family activities.” This is something we’ve done throughout the pandemic. My family used to go out a lot, and the kids were crushed when we stopped going to toy stores, but we replaced that with totally new, totally fun activities at home and within a week (literally), they stopped talking about the toy section at Target. Our new routines were more active, they were more involved, and most importantly, they were relational.
I want to stress that “focus on family activities” is, I think, the most important of her tips, because if you do that, invariably you will also do all the rest.
You can’t help but talk about things like the pandemic, you can’t help but find fun ways to reduce anxiety, you can’t help but have great moments of connection, because God made us for relationship (As much as an introvert like myself often hates that phrase, and as unhelpfully as extroverts beat us over the head with it. It’s true).
So if you’re struggling to cope as a family, try to do everything else as a family, and that will help the struggle.
But oh boy, these are scary times, and may God’s mercy be with us all, across the globe.
Oh, and if you’re struggling with anxiety (like I do), that’s going to rub off on your kid.
So you might want to find a psychiatrist and therapist who can help.
Of course, I still struggle (and sometimes, mightily, oh so mightily), but we’d do anything for our kids, right? So why not get help for your anxiety that will vicariously help their anxiety?
When they see a confident, happy dad or mom, it gives them strength too.
P.S. During the pandemic, this song has sort of become our family motto (or songo, or whatever it would be called). Kids really respond to stuff like this. Family mottos (songos, or whatever).
