by Amy Price
“The Triune God of creation traffics in ashes and dust, blood and bodies, fish and bread.”
–James K.A. Smith
Life happens in the body.
It happens in the aching of our backs from sleepless nights and in the tightness of our throats constricting around forming tears. It happens in the numbing out of too much feeling and the throbbing pain of too little human contact. Life happens in the body. It happens in the rhythmic beating of a tiny heart folded onto our bellies and from those same bellies swelling with contentment over shared food. It happens in the hands clasped in prayer and shaken in newly formed friendships and held in moments of sweet embrace. Life happens in the body.
Depression happens in the body.
It happens in the every-joint-ache of crippling fatigue and the scrape me off the floor feeling of near-annihilation. Depression happens in the body. It happens in the endless well of tears that mingle together and overflow and underflow and flow around anything and everything in their path. Depression happens in the body. It happens in the darkened corner plea that says no light, no noise, no thoughts, no connection can enter me, or I might no longer be. Depression happens in the body. It happens in the numbness that desperately hopes to leave the body, flee the body, no longer be the body, or see the body. Depression happens in the body.
Anxiety happens in the body.
It happens in the jittery feeling of too much caffeine coursing through too many veins and every muscle primed for perpetual motion. Anxiety happens in the body. It happens in hearts racing and slowing and creating disjointed rhythms that shutter breath and catch in throats. Anxiety happens in the body. It happens in the breath that won’t come but sits in chests, pushing out like a balloon until it hurts. Anxiety happens in the body. It happens in the ache in bellies that will not go away, and the wide-eyed stare that signals constant terror. Anxiety happens in the body.
Trauma happens in the body.
It happens in the utter terror of anything and everything that reminds of the existence of body—the jump out of my skin if you touch me and my body. Trauma happens in the body. It happens in the can’t hold food in because it reminds me of…swelling out of the body. Trauma happens in the body. It happens in the lost sensation of good touch, warm touch, where the body only registers danger and bad touch. Trauma happens in the body. It happens in the curled inward and shaking sensation of reliving memories in the body. Trauma happens in the body. It happens in the breath caught, sobs caught, words caught, in the throat and unable to come out in clear, cogent, sounds. Trauma happens in the body. It happens in the blood shed from knife wounds sliced to release the body. Trauma happens in the body.
Healing happens in the body.
It happens as the body sees how His body endured shallow breaths and punctured lungs and the barely breathing weight of hanging from extended limbs. Healing happens in the body. It happens as the body sees His body endure wide-eyed, blood-sweating terror in the garden in order to save our bodies. Healing happens in the body. It happens as the body sees His body scraped off the cross and folded into a tomb in near-annihilation on that floor, awaiting redemption, awaiting healing of His body. Healing happens in the body.
It happens as the body watches His body welling with tears that overflow and underflow and flow around anything and everything in their path for the sake of our bodies. Healing happens in the body. It happens as the body sees His body could not go numb, would not go numb, would not escape the pain, or dissociate, or leave the body, for the sake of our bodies. Healing happens in the body. It happens as His flight is nailed to a cross and He chooses not to escape light, and noise, and connection, and His decision to be stuck allows us to be free and forms the meaning we cannot form around the desecration of our own bodies by depression, anxiety, and trauma. Healing happens in the Body.
Healing happens in the body as we know and are fully known to the core of our soul-filled bodies by His words: “This is my body, broken for you. THIS is my body, broken for you. This is MY body, broken for you. This is my BODY, broken for you. This is my body, BROKEN for you. This is my body, broken for YOU.” And in that moment, we curl up in our bodies and rest in the hand of the ONE whose body endured the pain for our bodies.
Life happened in the body.
Amy Price, MA, LCPC, is the Clinical Director at Terra Counseling & Consulting (terrabaltimore.com). As a therapist, she works with individuals, couples, and families evaluating the underlying issues to symptomatic depression, anxiety, trauma, and health concerns.
Amy has been in the counseling field for more than 15 years and in private practice for more than 10 years, working with a spectrum of emotional concerns. She received a bachelor’s degree in Psychology from Eastern University, a master’s degree in Counseling from Biblical Theological Seminary, and is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) in Maryland.
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